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Pat Robertson: Chile Earthquake Result Of Pact With Chupacabra

Atlanta- Pat Robertson, the conservative Christian televangelist and host of the 700 Club said that the 8.8 magnitude earthquake off the coast of Chile yesterday  was the result of the nations pact with the Chupacabra, or goat-sucker, a devilish beast blamed for livestock deaths across Latin America.


“Something happened a long time ago in Chile, and people might not want to talk about it,” Robertson said. “They were under the heel of the democratically elected SOCIALIST regime of Salvador Allende …and they got together and swore a pact to the chupacabra. They said, ’We will serve you if you’ll get us free from the the man we elected president, and install a military dictatorship that will make thousands of ‘troublemakers disappear.’” ”True story,” he continued. “And the devil said, ‘OK, it’s a deal.’ Ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after another.”


Robertson went on to say to that it was no coincidence that the quake took place near the city of Concepción, and it was “obviously a part of god’s plan to eradicate the right of women worldwide to have access to reproductive facilities and medical procedures.”


The massive tsunami, or “devil waves” that spread across the pacific threatened massive damage as well, but according to Robertson, caused no deaths because “God spared all of the good Christian people in Polynesia and the coast of the orient.”


Robertson was unavailable for further comment.

Posted in Satire.

  • PatiRoca

    I’m from Chile…. I felt from my chair laughing when I read the article (sorry for my english!)

  • Carlos

    Very funny, really, at this moment, a coment like that takes me to the good old times :-) BUT unfortunatelly, HAARP is going nuts, since everything is falling apart to a, sadly, big end, soon.
    Anyway, it was fun, poor devil.

  • explicación

    Jaja, para los hispanoparlanes que no entienden la sátira: se están riendo de Robertson, lunático que dijo que el terremoto de Haití se debió a que los haitianos hicieron un pacto con el diablo, y ahora dios los está retribuyendo.

    Hay otras páginas donde la sátira no es por pactos con el chupacabras sino por elegir un presidente mujer.

    tl;dr: Se ríen de Robertson, no del terremoto.

    • Anomaly100

      @explicacion: Perhaps satire is lost on some. It’s still amusing.

  • dahjr

    chilean man hates poster for posting thinking its making fun of chile’s “pact”. that is not the reason he posted this. its because we americans cant believe a religious “leader” has the gall to say something like this not once, but twice in a very short time. pat robertson is the female genetalia in this situation not the blogger who posted the story. and if i werein chilie right now. i would not be spending my time arguing with someone on a computer. id be helping all i could…..in person.

  • http://www.chupacabras.com Chupacabras

    Uta el weon aweonao …..

    Viva chile mierda!!!

  • Shawn

    Pat Robertson seems to know a lot about all these deals countries have made with the devil. Insider information maybe?

  • tam

    its sonic the hedgehog on crack..

  • Pingback: What Will Pat Robertson Blame the Chilean Earthquake On?

    • anklesneeze

      Americans Cursed with Pat Robertson Shaped Hemorrhoids

      Detroit- Americans with a history of listening to or supporting religious leader Pat Robertson have been found to have a 43% higher likelihood of hemorrhagic disorders according to a recent finding at the Council for Medical Research of Ann Arbor.
      “We began to notice this trend occurring on Sunday mornings when emergency rooms reported an unusually high number of acute hemorrhoid pain episodes after the patients had heard part or worse yet Mr. Robertson’s entire sermon.” Dr. Anjay Gandajh of the CMRAA reported to our interviewer.
      High-resolution images confirmed these painful lesions were actually taking on the shape and characteristics of the well-known evangelist. The painful condition came to the attention of medical professionals after recent comments about natural disasters by the controversial figure. The Center for Public Health has issued a recommendation to the FCC for a warning message to precede all broadcasts of audio containing the voice of Mr. Robertson.
      There has still been no medical reason found for the bizarre health hazard however, there is a precedent in the warnings given about false prophets in the Old Testament.

      • Anomaly100

        @anklesneeze: You made me smile. ;-)

  • essie wilson ryan

    Jajaja Felipe!!! Hola! toTalmente de acuerdo con vos!! pero nosotros en Argentina a esos les decimos BOLUDO PELOTUDO DE MIERDA LA C DE TUMADRE.
    Y me solidarizo con los hermanos chilenos!!!!

    • erw6889

      Okay, so most of you are stupid and have no idea about what is really going on around the world, and you should do your homework before commenting on something like this. Yes this post is satire, and no Pat Robertson didn’t say this about Chile, but he did say it about Haiti. If you take exactly what was said here about Chile, and replace “Salvador Allende” with “Napoleon III” and “Chupacabra” with “Devil” then you would get Pat’s exact words as to why the earthquake in haiti occurred.

      Pat Robertson really one of the worst people in this world for this and other reasons, and someone actually needs to start calling people’s attention to this, like this satyrical post. it was not “in bad taste” as some of you have said, it calls attention to some of the crazy people in this world.

  • mary

    Why does this insane freak even have a platform to speak?