Vote Republican And One of These Candidates Could Be Your President (Quotes)

July 9, 2011
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With the Presidential campaigns afoot, there are plenty of quotes/gaffes to go around to leave us chuckling about every single one of them.

 

In their honor and for comedic relief, a quote by each of them, but in an attempt at laughing at our own, here’s one from President Obama:

I’ve now been in 57 states — I think one left to go.” –at a campaign event in Beaverton, Oregon.

 

But, never in my lifetime have I seen so much competition over who can be King of the Crazy Hill. Some of these are as precious as Christine O’Donnell believing that humans have been crossbred with animals, thus producing mice with fully functioning human brains.

 

That said, the  frontrunner in the 2012 polls is Mitt Romney:

Hugo Chavez has tried to steal an inspiring phrase ‘Patria o muerte, venceremos.’ It does not belong to him. It belongs to a free Cuba.” –invoking a phrase that translates to “Fatherland or death, we shall overcome,” which Fidel Castro has used to close his speeches for years, and which is associated with Cubanoppression.

 

Michele Bachmann is running second in the polls but these are not misspeaks, they are what she believes:

During a February trip to South Carolina, Bachmann told a South Carolina audience, “I think if we give Glenn Beck the numbers, he can solve this [the national debt].”

 

Bachmann, whose own husband has just been outed (see what I did there?) as running a clinic that cures teh gays; his clinic provides “reparative” therapy to turn gay people straight, even though this practice has been rejected by every major psychologial and psychiatric organization, Marcus Bachmann asserts that gays need to be “educated” like “barbarians.”

 

That said, his wife Michele once suggested that a gay singer should repent, after getting cancer:

“Unfortunately she is now suffering from breast cancer, so keep her in your prayers,” she said in November 2004. “This may be an opportunity for her now to be open to some spiritual things, now that she is suffering with that physical disease. She is a lesbian.”

 

Herman Cain was an unknown in politics until recently, but he still managed to try to fix our immigration problem at the Mexican border — he’s going to rig that fence and have alligators on patrol:

 

Now, my fence might be part Great Wall and part electrical technology. . . . Put me in charge of the fence and it will be a twenty foot wall, barbed wire, electrified on the top. And on this side of the fence, I’d have that moat that President Obama talked about. And I would put those alligators in that moat!

 

Tim Pawlenty, brags in his new ad that he’s shut the government down before, but previously he said:

 

Anyone who considers the negative impacts of a shutdown should see it as a reason to seriously get back to the negotiating table.

 

Serial adulterer and thrice married Newt Gingrich, who touts family values while whoring himself out for the Evangelical vote said:


 

It doesn’t matter what I do. People need to hear what I have to say. There’s no one else who can say what I can say. It doesn’t matter what I live.“ Newt Gingrich to his former wife while both cheating on her and publicly preaching “family values.

 

Homophobe Rick Santorum deserves at least two quotes:

 

If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual [gay] sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery. You have the right to anything… In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That’s not to pick on homosexuality. It’s not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be. It is one thing.

 

 

 

In every society, the definition of marriage has not ever to my knowledge included homosexuality. That’s not to pick on homosexuality. It’s not, you know, man on child, man on dog, or whatever the case may be. It is one thing. And when you destroy that you have a dramatic impact on the quality.

 

There are so many gaffes, misspeaks and intentional bigotry, it’s difficult to choose the most insane — but there is one that may or may not run, who knows, she’ll tell us if she wants to, maybe, Sarah Palin, the professional campaigner-failed- reality-show-star-lamestream-media-victim-half-term-Governor, that abhorred ‘Socialized’ medicine, so much so, she was the recipient of such:

We used to hustle over the border for health care we received in Canada. And I think now, isn’t that ironic?

 

 

 

 

--Sarah Palin, admitting that her family got treatment in Canada’s single-payer health care system, despite her pants on fire lie, which won her the lie of the year by Politifact: Obama’s death panels.  Ms. Palin obviously defines ironic as hypocritical.

 

Rick Perry, is also a maybe candidate.  On the BP oil spill:

From time to time there are going to be things that occur that are acts of God that cannot be prevented.” —Texas Gov. Rick Perry, May 3, 2010

 

 

 

God wasn’t negligent in that  disastrous spill, you silly goose.

Several quotes are from Political Humor

 

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