Santa Claus is part of the 1%, but he’s very generous, although, who is watching him while he is watching us? Santa abuses his child labor workforce in order to enhance his image. Mr. Claus is prone to breaking and entering, always with impunity.
That said, let’s get on with it.
Santa Claus
AKA: Kristopher KringleWife: Laura ClausBrother: Jack De’Frost7,599 kids (names redacted due to age)Bastard Child: Santi Klaus Jr.- Nov. 5 1988 (23)Ex Wife: Robbin GrinchAliases: DJ Big Kringle, JellyBelly, MC Clause, Waka Flocka Clause, Svan Claus3250 snowball lane,Santas Hill, NP 00001House Worth: $53,675,322,1229.23 (tax free due to charity status)
Occupation: Toy Shop Entrepreneur, Reindeer RancherCommon Hobbies: Making Gingerbread Houses, Flying Sleighs, Spreading Christmas Cheer, stealing cookies , adding kahlua to his milk, breaking and entering, Using magical elves to steal him cartons of smokes, stealing weed and speed from all the houses he visits on Christamas eveMost Letters Received From: Caleb SpilchenMost Naughty On List: Barack Obama, Herman Cain, Tyler Durden, Rob PortmanFavorite Song: YTCracker – AntsecFavorite Hacking Tool: SlowlorisMost Used Attack: perl slowloris.pl thegrinch.com 1000
Favorite Musicians: AC/DC (duh!)Favorite Social Network:www.noradsanta.orgFavorite Disney Movie:Lion KingFavorite Food: Cookies and Milk, Brownies (magic ones)Fun Facts:He likes it when you are naughty (re: lulzy) & nice, Takes pride in his elves ability to create Stuxnet, his most accomplished gift yetCourt Records:Kristopher Kringle vs State | Child Labor (suspicion of running a sweat shop)Kristopher Kringle vs ASPCA | Animal Neglect & Inhumane Treatment (reported whipping of Rudolph)
Kristopher Kringle vs State | Breaking and EnteringKristopher Kringle vs State | Stalking Of Minors
