No, this is not the title of an Onion article. Multiple sources are reporting that the Oregon “Patriots” who have been having an indoors all boys camp out inside the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge building since January 2nd have *possibly* been accessing the government computers inside the building.
LaVoy Finnicum, the leader of the Y’all Qaeda security team, led reporters from Oregon Public Broadcasting into the office space in the building. While touring the space, the reporter noted that there were government issued IDs, potentially sensitive documents and a list of social security numbers in plain sight. Finnicum realized the errors of his way and hid those items immediately.
Further, OPB reports that three of the computers were turned on “in screensaver mode” although Ammon Bundy, the self professed leader of the Y’all Qaeda group emphatically denies trying to access the computers. Ammon told an OPD reporter, “No, we haven’t touched a single personal item. We haven’t touched any of the computers, we haven’t tried to log on—we haven’t done anything. We’re not here to hurt people,” Talk Points Memo reports.
He does deny they tried to turn the computers on. Good thing the FBI is on this, because they have access to this newly fandangled technology called “fingerprinting” and you better believe that if it is found that those “Patriots” so much as touched the keyboards, they could potentially face criminal charges because accessing federal computers IS a crime, last time I checked.
Oh, and Ammon also swears they haven’t been rifling around in the desks and in the personal effects of the empty workstations. Let’s be honest…these “Patriots” have been holed up in this empty building in the middle of the freezing cold Oregon winter, with nothing to do except clean their weapons, spit dip and compare where to buy the latest issue of Guns and Ammo magazine. Surely they have started checking out Mildred’s cartoon a day Garfield desk calendar or Jimmy’s Playboy, hidden conveniently in his bottom desk drawer in a manila folder.
Oh, and he asks that you also disregard the reports that they are using government vehicles to drive around the property because they would NEVER do that. That is breaking the law.
But Ammon swears they are just hanging out and doing a whole lot of nothing. And he is nothing if not a law abiding citizen, right? He isn’t the type of guy to support arsonists who burned down 139 acres of federally protected land, correct? He understands the difference between right and wrong. No, he doesn’t.
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