Did you guys hear the one about phone sex with Bill O’Reilly and a loofa? What’s that? You’ve already started bleaching your eyes from the Fox News horror? Well, the Groper-in-Chief has declared April Sexual Assault Awareness Month. In his honor, we are obliged to talk about the guy who probably holds the record for scoffing “LEZBO” at the most women who have rebuffed him in a bar.
Okay, sorry for that. It’s just that, whenever Billo comes up, I can’t help but think of all his scandals over the years. He’s been an incorrigible bully for so long that the chapter Al Franken wrote about what a bully O’Reilly was has already had a bar mitzvah. I mean, we all know someone who uses intimidation and smears to get what they want out of life. Billo is a grade-A, blue ribbon champeen of doing just that.
So when Fox News renewed his gajillion-dollar contract, even after having paid millions in settlements in lawsuit after lawsuit over the last two decades, I had to wonder: How good is this guy at pushing people around? Well, pretty good, apparently. When a company backs you after the Andrea Mackris affair, a failed libel suit against a comedian, and sexual harassment cases out the wazoo, you have to be either amazing at what you do or a Moe-vs-Calvin level jerk.
You even kind of wonder how a major network like Fox ends up with a guy who got his start on the television version of the National Enquirer, especially after he quit the show following what appeared to be a complete mental breakdown:
But then I remember that Billo is the cornerstone of the network that was founded ostensibly with the express purpose of attacking Bill Clinton. His show was their first “news” program, airing for the first time on same day in October 1996 as Fox was launched. Scandals, lies, and boundary-pushing hyperbole are their bread and butter.
I guess even if he waves his dick at strangers in the Fox HQ lobby, ol’ Rupert Murdoch is stuck with him. And good for them! What’s a network aimed at low-IQ viewers without a guy who acts like a schoolyard tyrant?
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