Kid Rock Is Running For The Senate Because There Weren’t Quite Enough GOP Whackos


No, not the Rock, although he’s also considering running for public office. No, I mean Kid Rock. You know, the “Bawitdaba” guy. Or if you’re old enough, the white rapper who loved being compared to Vanilla Ice, but did his hair up like that one dude from Kid ‘n Play.

Apparently just being pals with all the right-wing idiots you can think of — Ted Nugent, Ben Carson, Donald Trump — wasn’t enough. The rapper-turned-country musician decided to throw his American flag cowboy hat in the ring for the United States Senate.

Kid, real name Robert Ritchie, is from Michigan, and although he considers himself “more of a Libertarian,” (of course he does — Libertarians are just Republicans who like weed and the occasional no-strings oral sex), it wouldn’t be unheard of for a conservative candidate to win in Detroit. It seems it may be exceptionally easy for a life-long resident like Kid to appeal to voters in much the same way as other celebrity candidates who have run for office.

Mr. Rock was among the douchebag crew that met with Donald Trump at the White House in April, along with Nugent and former Alaska quitter governor Sarah Palin, presumably to laugh about the fact that America keeps making stupid people famous and paying them to ruin our lives.

His opponent, should the t-shirts and merch he’s already selling indicate that he’s actually serious about this, would of course, be Debbie Stabenow, the senior senator from Michigan, and a power player in the Democratic Party.

Among Kid Rock’s political bona fides are: Okay, nothing. But he did campaign for Mitt Romney, so as to try and defeat “Obummer,” as he refers to our last commander-in-chief. In 2015, Kid Rock said, “You have to get these pre-1985 with a silencer. I bought it when Obummer came into office because I’m thinking, ‘What if he f*ckin’ bans guns?'” After President Obama’s two terms in office, in total, zero guns were confiscated.

Mr. Rock said he knows his audience. “45-50-year-old girls wearing extra-large T-shirts — they’re my bread and butter,” he said. ” They know how to f*cking party — ‘I don’t give a f*ck, I’m making a T-shirt and putting sequins on it. I’m saving my money for beer and having a good time.’”

And he performed at the 2016 Republican National Convention, although to be fair, that’s likely because they couldn’t even think of any other big-name musicians who might consider associating themselves with the clown car that is the current Republican Party.

But if there’s anything that can hold an ego the size of Kid Rock’s, it’s a magical car you can fit endless clowns in.

Note to our readers: Please share/tweet our articles. Trump supporting trolls targeted our site’s account and reported it en masse, without cause, thus triggering a seemingly automatic suspension. Twitter support has failed to address this issue. Thank you!

Click here for reuse options!
Copyright 2017